This seems like a good time to admit to you that I had a problem. Monthly trips to the drugstore
resulted in the purchase of several different brands of pregnancy tests, just in case one brand was
malfunctioning. At first, it was exciting to imagine that this was the month when the little blue line
might actually appear. But after several months, and especially following our miscarriage, the
distress these little bad news bearers inflicted became so intolerable that at one point, I quit them
cold turkey. There is really no other way to do it. If you try to fool yourself that you will only take one
this month, what do you do when it comes back negative? You determine that of course there must
be some mistake with the test, and so you buy a few more to find out.
Does this sound familiar? I hope that you can learn from my story, as the pharmaceutical
companies made a small fortune off me. I can’t blame them entirely, as I made the conscious
decision to spend money month after month, just to make myself feel sad and discouraged. I found it
ironic that women all over the world took these pregnancy tests while hoping for negative results
when I was so desperately praying for the opposite.
Considering my obsession with and dependence on the tests, it is quite surprising that my first-
ever positive test almost went unnoticed. Like clockwork, I subjected myself to another round of
tests. After several minutes peering through a magnifying glass at the indicator window, I had to
admit that there was no little blue line to be found. So, once again, I wrapped up the wand and threw
it away. (At this point, I was so far gone I did not even want Dave to know about all of the tests I took
for fear he would have me banned from the pharmacy).
But on this day, for some unexplained reason, I felt compelled to retrieve the test from the
garbage for careful re-examination. I dug it out from under the coffee grounds and held the magic
wand up to the window, my squinting eyes trying desperately to see even a shadow of a line. Sure
enough, there was a little blue line after all. To this day, I do not understand why my subconscious
sensed it while my eyes did not see it the first time. Who cared though? I had my first little blue line!
I could hardly wait for Dave to get home to celebrate the news. Imagine my relief and excitement
when a second pair of human eyes confirmed my suspicions. I was pregnant! However, Dave was
not as excited as me. He felt the results were not significant because the line was so faint. Clearly,
he was not nearly as well-read on the subject as I was at that point. I knew, as do all pregnancy test
junkies, that during the very early stages, a faint little line was all it took. Even so, I purchased and
took several more tests to confirm the confirmation.